Spirit in the Village

The Law of Give & Take, Natural Rhythm and Flow

Posted by Kevin Boon. Follow me on Twitter.

Sometimes an idea for a post can come from the most interesting places. Last night the inspiration came from dream. It’s not often that a dream gives me ideas but when it does I’ve learned to listen, write it down and not ask too many questions. Paul McCartney said the song Yesterday (video) came to him in a dream and who’s going to argue with Paul.

My first understanding of the Law of Give and Take (Receiving) came from the concept of Karma from some of the Eastern philosophies, what you give out comes back to you. Christians have a similar philosophy, what you sow you shalt reap.

What does it all really mean?

The Law of Give and Take in Business World

There are different examples of give and take in the business world, some positive and some negative. Let’s say you are an employee working for a company where there was an open door policy, good communication, good relationship between management and employees, opportunity for advancement and recognition. The feeling created would be a good one and if the company aligns those values with a common purpose to drive revenue or sales, the organization would prosper and people would feel good about working there.

The opposite is also true for organizations that create a closed environment, create fear, treat employees poorly and only look at profits and the bottom line. While these organizations still may succeed financially they sacrifice the heart of their business by creating distrust, hostility and a stressful workplace.

The Law of Give and Take in our Personal Lives

The same is true on a personal level. In our relationships if we encourage, support, listen to and empower others then most of the time our relationships blossom and others will reciprocate. The opposite is true when we treat someone poorly by being critical, unsupportive, demanding, or if we threaten or refuse to listen to their needs.

People can get confused with the law of give and take. We expect others to reciprocate our good deeds. You might give to one person and they might lash out at you. Their response made you angry you lash back and an argument begins. Each negative statement builds on the last and before you know it two people who are good friends intensely dislike each other.

The way to break this cycle is when you feel like lashing out give instead, encourage, listen, say nothing, or if that's not possible send the other person good thoughts. You’ll be amazed at how fast a hostile environment can change to something positive.

There are extreme behaviours to give and take.

The Martyr Syndrome

A martyr is someone who is constantly giving but doesn’t like to receive. They give usually at the expense of their own needs and refuse to receive because of low self esteem. What happens is an energy gap is created and the person over time feels tired and worn out.

The solution for the martyr is to learn to receive and let go of their guilt about receiving.

A common opinion is that Mother Theresa would be a Martyr. This is not true because although she gave tirelessly of her services (to the poor and disenfranchised) she knew how to receive what she wanted and needed for her cause. (ie. money, volunteers, political support, etc.)

The Taker

The taker is the other extreme. This is a person who is constantly taking or receiving but never gives back. When we come into contact with takers our common feeling is they are just trying to get something from us, they’re slimy and we don’t trust them. We sense from their actions that they’re out for themselves and seem lack compassion for others.

Takers can find more balance from learning to give without any expectation of receiving.

Applying the Law of Give and Take into your Life

Finding the balance between giving and receiving is one of the best ways to find balance. You can give or receive in many ways including money, words of encouragement, support, empowering others, helping, listening, etc. Be warned that giving money requires some thought in itself because some acts of giving are empowering and others disempowering to the receiver. This will be a topic for a future post.

Ideas for giving:

• Develop your ability to listen. Most people want to be heard but few of us take time to listen. When you do listen you establish a greater level of trust.
• Offer words of encouragement or tell a co-worker they’re doing a great job.
• Hold the door open or let someone go in front of you at the checkout line.
• Be courteous and let that driver go in front of you.
• Pay for lunch.

Learn to give without expecting anything in return.

Ideas for receiving:

• Let someone else buy lunch.
• When someone is courteous, holds the door open, or gives encouragement say thank you.

Learn to receive without feeling guilty or feeling obligated to do anything in return.

In our society we can apply conditions to giving. If I pay for lunch today you might feel guilty and obligated to pay next time. The law does not keep a checklist. If you can get into a flow and natural rhythm with the law of give and take then it will just happen naturally. You might give to one person but you’ll receive from another.

You will feel balanced and content.

You can subscribe to my blog in either in reader or via email below.

Subscribe to Spirit in the Village by Email

The Roots of Materialism - The Story of the Baseball Cap

The inspiration for this post actually came from a dream I had last night.  Yesterday I had been talking with and old colleague from college and earlier in the day I had attended a seminar by David Suzuki at the University of Waterloo which I will write about in a future post.  At the seminar there were displays in the hallways with people giving away brochures, selling books and promoting environmental or political causes.

When I dream I typically find it's a way for my mind to process the previous days events.  Once your mind processes this information you can then move on with your next day.  Sometimes I remember my dreams, many times I don't.  Sometimes if I'm lucky I'll receive some kind of insight in a dream.  This was one of those dreams where I got that insight. 

The Dream - The Baseball Cap

I was walking through the college hallway with a friend and we came to one of the lounge areas.  There was some type of promotion happening where a woman was running a game.  She had darts or something like it and the prize was a baseball cap.  For each successful throw of the dart I would get an orange sticker and if I failed I would get a green sticker.  With x amount of orange stickers my eventual prize would be a baseball cap and with x amount of green stickers I would lose and would get no prize. I really wanted to win that baseball cap. 

After a number of tries I had an even number of orange and green stickers and had one more throw.  With that throw I would either get the orange sticker and win that baseball cap or get the green sticker and lose.  After throwing the dart the woman went away to check my result. The only problem was she never came back.  I became irritated and angry.  I wanted that baseball cap and wanted to know if I had won.  In my anger and frustration I started tracking down anybody to say, "what kind of game are you running here"?  They were scrambling around trying to find this woman, at which time there was a whole other event going with people using these spray paint guns and getting black paint dots on their white shirts.  (This is where dreams usually get weird and it's usually a good time to stop). 

Then I woke up...

I turned on the light. I was pissed off and angry that I didn't get that baseball cap.  I was still half way between dream and waking state.  As I became more conscious I got to thinking, it's just a baseball cap!  It's nothing important!  Why did I get so riled up about winning?  Then it occurred to me.  There are emotions that we feel when it comes to material goods.  Business & Advertisers know this well.  If you have ever been to a trade show or fair where vendors are giving away freebies, you'll see all these people flocking around either collecting lots of paper and information or collecting the free pens, t-shirts, or some silly gizmo with a picture of a banana on it.

My parents went to Cuba a few years ago and they said when you meet the local kids, as a tourist you are encouraged give them a pen or some trinket.  I find it fascinating that for a child who lives in poverty, a pen or some kind of trinket would totally make their day. 

So where does our desire for material possessions come from?   Is it instinctual?  Is it naturally programmed into us from birth?  Is created through our beliefs & conditioning?  Is it influenced by people, advertising or commercial interests?

My feeling is yes, our material desires come from all these sources.  Yes it is instinctual.  Desires seem to me to be part of the human condition.  If you live in a human body, you want things; food, love, sex, money, power, material possessions.  The main purpose of some religions is to rise above our desires.  That's why some people go and live in a cave or make a vow to celibacy. 

Are material desires programmed into us?  Absolutely!  Do advertisers know this?  You bet!

Here are a couple of other questions. This will lead into my discussion about David Suzuki's presentation, which will be a follow-up post.  Also for more background on this site visit my About page.  You will see this topic (Materialism or Material Wealth) as one of the core discussion items for this blog. 

Here are the questions:

How do our current material desires & behaviors affect our lives?

How do our material desires & behaviors affect our environment? 

and finally, Do we need to come to a new understanding around materialism?  I'll look at these questions and other topics in upcoming posts.