Spirit in the Village

Letting Anger be your Motivator

Posted by Kevin Boon. Follow me on Twitter.

Yesterday was an interesting day being one of those days where nothing seemed to come together. In the morning I wrote the post 6 Steps for Letting Go of Mental Resistance . Now most of my blog entries flow and I can complete them within 45 minutes to an hour. This one took almost 3 hours to write. Over the weekend I had done some work around letting go of resistance and it seemed like a no brainer. Thinking, I’ll write this up pretty quickly and I’ll be on my way. Boy was I wrong!

Monday’s are usually my toughest day to get into the flow of writing or work. My mind is usually a little more relaxed and I find it takes me time (at least the morning) to get up to speed for the week. The rest of my day flowed in some ways but by about 5pm I was spent. I was exhausted and my wife said to me, you look frustrated. I acknowledged that I was frustrated and took some time away to clear my head. At the same time there was other chaos going on at the house that pushed my buttons. I got angry, frustrated, pissed off and recognized that these emotions were not going away any time soon. Better to just relax, read a bit and ride them out.

As I went to bed last night I was angry, frustrated and pissed off at just about everything. I slept well and when did wake I lay there for a while processing these emotions.

Law of Attraction & the Downstream Flow

Jerry and Ester Hicks in their books on the Law of Attraction frequently say, if you want to move toward your goals learn to align yourself with the downstream flow of your life. My understanding of this teaching is to let your emotions be your guide and let go of rigid thinking (beliefs, opinions, judgments) Rigid thinking keeps you paddling upstream and against the natural flow of your life. In the downstream the goal is to get to the better feeling place, which most times we think is a positive emotion or thought, however Hicks also say that sometimes the downstream thought is a negative one like anger, frustration, even rage and resentment.

Observing my anger and rage I started to realize that all my anxiety and frustration from the day before was all about my resistance to going with the downstream flow (which for me yesterday and this morning is anger, rage and resentment).

Negative Emotions as a Positive Motivator

When I get into those feelings my anger and rage do not become outer manifestations for yelling or tearing a strip off someone, although some might note that I seem a little more abrupt. The anger and rage are my inner emotions that I connect to, observe and feel within my mind and body. Using meditation I let those emotions sit and simply become the observer.

Being in the downstream flow these emotions of anger, rage and resentment are actually positive motivators and give me more determination to go after my goals. This is good thing to note because quite often people think only the positive thoughts and feelings matter.

Today as I go about my day I’m going to observe and play with these emotions. What I’ve found is the downstream changes all the time and as long as I’m moving within the flow then I’ll know that I’m moving in the direction of my goals.

Footnote: Anger is not a place where you want to stay for long but when the emotions do come up it's good to meditate with them you'll find they'll eventually change to something more positive.

6 Steps for Letting Go of Mental Resistance

Posted by Kevin Boon. Follow me on Twitter.

Last week I wrote a post called 5 tips to Un-Clutter the Mind and focus on What's Important. This one goes a little deeper and describes how to let go of mental resistance.

What is mental resistance?

The mind is where thinking originates. When combined with our ego we develop opinions, beliefs and judgments about ourselves, other people and events. Our thoughts, ego and emotion when combined cause us to take action. Action that flows from a positive state of mind is better or us, especially if our goal is balance and alignment with the natural flow of life.

Mental resistance occurs when our opinions, beliefs or judgments cause internal conflict; the result is negative emotion. Negative emotion can trigger negative thinking, can hurt the quality of our relationships, closes the doors of opportunity and sometimes causes us to take action that is not in alignment with our desired outcomes or goals.

Letting go of mental resistance is a good practice wherever possible.

Here’s an example,

A person you’ve known for years has just got engaged to your sister. You’ve never been close to him and in your opinion he’s arrogant, egotistical, demanding and too self-centered. He has a lot of money (more than you) and likes to flash his money, car and all his toys for everyone to see. Although you have known this person for years you never really liked him and now he’s marrying your sister. You’re going to be related!

What would you like from this situation?

Ideally to create a good relationship; but it's actually more important to let go of your mental resistance first.

Here are 6 steps for letting go of mental resistance:

Step 1 – Take Responsibility

Become aware that YOU are the one carrying the resistance or any negative opinion or emotion – it’s not them. We often like to blame others for our negative emotional states and some of us live our entire lives blaming everybody else.

Your emotional state is your responsibility and you have control.

Step 2 – Become aware of how this person triggers you.

What beliefs, insecurities or judgements about do they trigger in you? Write down how this person makes you feel.

An example

Joe is always such a jerk. He’s always been arrogant and hard to deal with. He never listens to anyone and always wants to be the center of attention. Even though he’s a jerk the girls still seem to love him. They must love him for his money. In my opinion people should be respectful, trustworthy, spiritually minded and not so arrogant. Joe pushes all my buttons around what I would call proper behavor. Joe brings out my insecurity that says I’m not good enough and makes me doubt my abilities. He makes almost twice the money I make and I always compare myself to him. I feel resentful about Joe and his success.

When you start getting to your core issue then you can begin to re-write the story in a more positive tone.

Step 3 - Re-Frame or Write a New Story

An example

You know you have to hand it to Joe. He’s always driving that blue T-Bird and has the women eating out of his hand. Now he’s engaged to my sister he’s obviously in my life for a reason, might as well make it positive. There’s a lot that I can learn from Joe and although we’re not alike there’s part of me that in some ways wishes I were more like him. Perhaps he can show me how to make more money.  Sometimes Joe makes me doubt my abilities but in reality I’m doing pretty good. I’ve got a good job, a nice house, nice family… all is well.

Notice how the re-framed story has a more positive tone.

Step 4 – Meditate or Contemplate

Meditation is about letting go of thought however what I do in this situation is take the re-framed positive story and read it before I meditate. By doing so your meditation should guide you to the more positive thought. If there is still negative feeling then there is still something unresolved; you can use meditation to find the negative belief, judgment or feeling and then go back to step 2.

Meditate until it feels good or the feeling is better than it was.
Always move towards the positive thought.

Step 5 – Action

Observe what happens when you meet this person. Is your feeling more positive? Do you feel less intimidated? Have you let go of some of your judgment or rigid beliefs?

If so celebrate that you’ve been able to change your mental focus and improve the quality of your experience of a relationship. If not then go back and see what triggers you.

Often by flipping the switch from a negative to a positive we can see real changes in how we respond to events and people in our life.

Step 6 - Check-in Periodically

As events unfold and relationships evolve it’s always good to check in periodically. Do I still feel positive about this person or are there new negative feelings?

Sometimes relationships are not meant to be close but we can let go of our resistance.

These techniques can be applied to any area of our lives and I’ll cover this topic again.

Using Meditation to Get Back on Track

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We all have those days where nothing goes as planned. Our schedule is in place we’re ready to go and then a call comes from the school saying your child’s sick. Everything gets put on hold as you rush home to take care of your child. Other times we’re just not in a productive state of mind. Tuesday was like that for me.

Now that I’m writing more frequently I’ve found that I need to give myself downtime. Typically that comes on the weekend where I don’t post and if I do work it’s more free-flow writing, planning or organizing. Weekends can also get busy and this past weekend was very busy helping my wife with a tradeshow and having family in town for a visit.

As I’m building readership for my blog I have developed a to-do list with some specific goals such as registering at various sites to increase traffic, commenting and networking with other bloggers, setting up affiliate programs, re-design and creating a new banner for my site, business cards, etc…, plus I want to write good content. The list is quite long and will likely take a few weeks to get everything in place.

Distractions

On Monday we had a holiday in Ontario so I was back working and posting on Tuesday. With my to-do list in hand I was ready to go, however…

Tuesday did not flow at all. I got distracted early in the day and you can waste a lot of time with email, Twitter or other social networking sites. My to-do list seemed overwhelming and by the afternoon I was feeling frustrated, uninspired and upset that nothing was getting done. I meditated which helped me to relax but there was still that part of me that was off track.

Pressure, To-Do Lists & the Ego

The pressure of the to-do list was getting to me and I realized it was that voice in my head (my ego) telling me I had to get it all done and panicking that it wouldn’t get done and this blogging is never going to work. Why don’t you go and get a real job, etc. Once I observed that it was my ego creating all this stress it was then time for me to relax and do nothing, become the observer. Taking some of the tips I learned from Law of Attraction methods I took the ego’s words an reframed them, “nothing needs to be done tonight and all will come together and happen as it’s supposed to. This is going to come together." The ego side disappeared I was able to relax, enjoy my evening and get ready for the next day.

Wednesday arrived (yesterday). I did my usual 20 minutes meditation but in that time I had my to-do list beside me, I wrote down 2 or 3 things that were most important for the day and meditated. I allowed myself to relax and let whatever thoughts flow. The experience was calming, relaxing and allowed me to get back on track.

The Lesson: Letting Go of Rigid Thinking

• When we hold on to rigid thinking we create stress.
• Rigid thinking mostly comes out of fear (the ego).
• When we let go of being rigid by reframing our thoughts we begin to relax and let go of our fear.
• Relaxing eases my mind and allows us to get back into the flow.

Meditation allows us to become aware of and release rigid thinking and create more flow to our lives.

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Basic Principles: Walking Meditation

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Over the years I have meditated on and off. When my mind is too active or things are too busy I find it’s easy to talk myself into not meditating.

The Meditation Project - My Experience

After making the commitment in January to meditate every day for at least 20 minutes something has changed. First, the chatter (or stream of thought flowing through my mind) has reduced significantly. When I started the chatter was constant, now that stream seems more subtle and sometimes my mind is totally quiet. Second, I notice that I am not triggered as much by events as I was before. I’m more relaxed and centered. Third, when I meditate I feel like I’m in an incubator (don’t know how else to describe it). I’m totally at peace, my mind is totally relaxed and often I don’t want the experience to end.

This is last post in this series about basic principles of meditation. These ideas have come from my own experience and I’m sure will evolve over time. For a sitting meditation I’ve talked about becoming the observer of your thoughts, breath and emotions. A greater awareness of your ego is another step which allows you to go deeper. And finally learning to direct your thought and emotion toward the positive is one of the basic principles of the Law of Attraction.

Walking Meditation

To bring this experience full circle the next step is to start to apply these techniques into your daily life. This is what I call a Walking Meditation. Most of us run on autopilot for most of our day from our jobs, running around after the kids or doing errands. Rarely do we take time for ourselves to become centered.

Here are a couple of suggestions.

Next time you get into your car. Let’s say you’re driving to work. Turn off the radio, cell phones or any distraction. Focus on your breath and observe how your body feels. Focus on your thoughts. What are you thinking about? Allow the thought to come in, be aware and then let it go… go back to your breath. Get into the practice of bringing your awareness into the present moment. You can practice this at any stage during your day.

If I’m in a business situation (let’s a say a board meeting) quite often I’ll bring my awareness into that moment. I’ll look around the room and observe who’s in the room, the general mood or feeling and then I’ll then bring my attention to myself and become aware of my breathing, my thoughts and so on. This tends to make me more centered, focused and alert to whatever is going on.

Life can get pretty distracting and it’s easy to go back into autopilot. However if you practice a little bit at a time you develop an awareness muscle that can help you to be more centered as you go about your day.

This is the end of this series of posts on the Basic Principles of Meditation. Stay tuned, my E-Book will soon be available and more interesting posts to come. Be sure to subscribe to my blog in either in reader or via email below.

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Basic Principles: Meditation and the Law of Attraction

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Over the past week I have shared some basic principles of Meditation that include developing an awareness of our thoughts, breath, emotions and our ego. Now I want to take some time to speak about Meditation and the Law of Attraction. For years I struggled integrating these two concepts.

Meditation as I understood was about silencing the mind, releasing thought and becoming the observer of our lives. My interpretation of silence was “let go of all thought”. Law of Attraction and books like Think and Grow Rich on the other hand said use your thoughts to focus on what you want. There was a conflict for me but I later found it was from my lack of understanding.

In 2008 I came back to the Law of Attraction, this time with a set of books by Jerry and Ester Hicks. What I learned is that our thoughts do create our reality and it is important to keep our thoughts and expectation positive. Our guidance system is our feelings and we can use our feelings or emotions to tell if we’re on track. The Hick’s teachings say, by moving toward positive feeling we can align with the natural flow of our lives. Law of Attraction I discovered is know what you want, keep your thoughts and emotions focused on the positive, and then allow yourself to get into the natural flow or rhythm of your life. When you learn these principles your wants and desires unfold naturally.

With this teaching I have come to understand that Law of Attraction fits perfectly within a meditation practice.

So how have I combined these two teachings?

First I had to recognize my error. Silencing the chatter within my mind was important but that doesn’t mean we eliminate thought. For many years I carried that image of spiritual guru withdrawing from the world and living in a cave for 20 years. Quietly I always wondered if that’s what I had to do. Fortunately I discovered that I can live a completely normal, productive life with a career, family and even technology, but I can use these principles to make my life more balanced, centered and happy.

Here is how I have incorporated Law of Attraction teachings into my life.

1. Start by writing down what you want This might include what you want for a career, health, weight loss, exercise, relationships, etc.. Jerry & Ester Hick’s books & DVDs are source information. On the web you can check out Good Vibe Coach. You don’t have to get it perfect. What you write down today will change as you develop your own understanding of what you really want. I have written and re-written my goals probably over a dozen times since I started this process.
2. Focus on the positive thought or feeling This aligns perfectly within my meditation practice because when a negative thought or emotion comes up I have learned to re-frame my thinking toward the positive or in the direction of the outcome that I want.
3. Allow your desires and let the flow of your life happen naturally This aligns with meditation because for each thought or desire I use my meditation practice to become aware of the thought, focus and then let the thought go. What I’ve found is my goals and desires start to unfold naturally.
4. Finally, develop the practice of Walking Meditation which will be my last and final post on the Basic Principles of Meditation.

Basic Principles: Meditation and our Ego

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In the first 3 parts on the Basic Principles of Meditation I have spoken about the core of Meditation and how it relates to our thoughts, breath and emotions. Today I want to talk about the ego. Once you understand the ego and how it impacts your life you’ll be able to approach your life from a whole new perspective.

What is the Ego?

The ego is the collection of all your thoughts, opinions, beliefs and emotions that you use to create and establish your identity. For example, your career and job title is an identity that you’ve established. Race, gender, sexual orientation, nationality, political affiliation and religion are all identities. We identify ourselves as man or woman, a parent, brother, sister, plumber, electrician, photographer, CEO, etc… We take on roles in our lives and we act in accordance with those roles.

The ego is also the “I AM” part of you that establishes your identity. So if you say to yourself I’m good looking, I’m funny, I’m a professional, I’m depressed, I’m angry, I’m pissed off!; these are identities and part of the ego. We establish these identities and then form the belief; this is who I am. The danger of locking ourselves into a role or identity is that we become stuck and this can limit our ability to grow or make positive change in our lives.

In the last post on emotions I introduced the concept of learning to be the observer of your thoughts and emotions. We can also become the observer of our ego.

When you begin to observe your ego you start to witness the roles and identities that you create for yourself. One that comes up often is the role of political affiliation. It’s always interesting to watch a flag waving, Obama loving Democrat sit in the same room with a card carrying Republican and member of the NRA. Both are so engrained in their identity (ego) that it makes them sick to their stomach to have to sit in the same room. Usually the conversation starts as a statement that absolutely insults or irritates the other, the other person responds and before you know it you have two people lashing out taking cheap shots, trying to get the upper hand and justifying why their view is right.

No wonder nothing ever gets done in Government. Forget government we have those battles daily in our media, over the Internet and in our coffee shops. The ego within us likes to take sides.

Pick a topic, race, sexual orientation, religion, nationality and you’ll see that people cling fiercely to their identity and ego. The source of most of the worlds problems are due to our identification with our ego and as Eckhart Tolle says, “…the dysfunction that every human being carries within: the ego.”

How can this apply to your life or meditation practice?

An Exercise

As you go about your daily life (or meditate) start to become aware of the roles or identities that you have either inherited or create in your life. If you say you’re depressed, ask yourself the question, Am I depressed or am I just taking on the role of being depressed right now?

If you’re an American (or whatever nationality) start to observe how you have developed your identity as an American. Look at what you were taught in school, on TV or from friends and family and start to observe your own beliefs. Then ask the question, What would my life look like if I wasn’t an American, what if I was born in China or Singapore or whatever country? Take a few minutes to look outside your own national identity and ask what identity would you have taken on had you been born somewhere else.

These exercises do not make you lose your identity but do enable you to start looking at your ego and the roles and identities you have created.

I’m also going recommend that you read Eckhart Tolle’s book A New Earth to understand the workings of the ego.

Next post in this series will be on Meditation and the Law of Attraction